Therapist task

Help Mark and Helen distinguish between forgiveness, trust and certainty. Do not treat these as the same process.

Explore what forgiveness would mean for Helen if she chose to remain in the relationship. Pay particular attention to the difference between giving up deliberate punishment and expecting the emotional consequences of the affair to disappear.

Explore Helen’s vigilance as a strategy for managing uncertainty. Begin by acknowledging why checking and seeking reassurance have felt necessary, then consider their costs and limitations. If appropriate, introduce the false-positive/false-negative framework to help her reflect on the risks of both trusting and remaining suspicious. Use it to support reflection rather than persuade her to reduce checking.

Do not imply that there is a correct answer. Help Helen consider what evidence she now has, what evidence she would still need and what manageable risks she might be willing to take.

The eventual aim is not for Helen to become certain that Mark will never hurt her again. It is for both partners to determine whether there is sufficient evidence to justify gradually tolerating uncertainty to allow closeness to develop.

 When the role-play is over, click here for the Debrief.