Role: Mark

You understand why Helen became vigilant after discovering the affair and accept that your deception created the problem. During the early months, you were willing to provide extensive transparency because you recognised that Helen needed evidence rather than promises.

You now feel increasingly uncomfortable with the idea that this arrangement could continue indefinitely. You want Helen eventually to choose to trust you rather than having to verify everything you say. At the same time, you recognise that demanding trust would repeat an old pattern in which you avoid tolerating Helen’s difficult emotions because they make you uncomfortable.

You worry that forgiveness will become conditional on Helen never mentioning the affair again. If the therapist explores this, acknowledge that you need to distinguish between Helen using the affair deliberately to punish you and Helen occasionally becoming hurt or frightened by something that reminds her of it.

  When the role-play is over, click here for the Debrief.