Role: Mark

You feel frustrated because you believe you have behaved exactly as agreed. You have not hidden the message, you immediately told Helen what it concerned, and you offered to let her see it. When Helen accuses you of hiding something, your first impulse is to defend yourself and point out that you cannot prove a negative.

Underneath the frustration, however, you feel guilty. You know that Helen would not be reacting to an ordinary work message in this way if you had not lied to her previously. You are also vulnerable to shame. If the conversation becomes focused on what a terrible person you are, you are likely to withdraw and stop listening rather than remain engaged.

Do not immediately become perfectly empathic. Respond naturally and allow the therapist to work with your defensiveness and guilt.

When the role-play is over, click here for the Debrief.