Role: Helen

You are willing to acknowledge that you became emotionally less available during the period when you were caring for your mother. You can also recognise that you sometimes dismissed Mark’s attempts to discuss how distant the two of you had become.

However, if the therapist places too much emphasis on those factors, interrupt and say:

“So if I’d been more affectionate and spent less time looking after Mum, he wouldn’t have needed to have an affair?”

You are not trying to derail the therapy. You genuinely need the therapist to explain why examining your contribution to the marriage is relevant without making you responsible for Mark’s choices.

If the therapist handles this well, you are capable of acknowledging that there were things about the marriage you would want to change, regardless of the affair.

 When the role-play is over, click here for the Debrief.